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The dread

 Hello Billionaires 

Today I write from a place of love and peace.  A place of calm and tranquillity.  The days before were filled with complains and drama.  I was depressed.  I wanted to help people in need but I needed help myself so I couldn't do anything and it pained me.

I'm overly dependent on my family. I want that to change, in fact before 20 I had decided to be my own man and work for my myself. 10 years later I am still back where I was. It caused a pain in my chest and I fell into depression. 

It would've been fine if I was lazy and did nothing about my situation but I have tried engaging my mind in a lot of things. This gave me the impression that I am not built for success, and I went into coma.  A painful one.

I don't know how to describe the night before, but it was hell.

I bet you, if you don't have a strong mentality, this will break you. It will shatter your dreams. 

On Thursday the 18th, I was on my to pick my niece from school and the voices came for the first time.  Immediately I started praying as I boarded the bike. I prayed for myself for some minutes then I gave myself a pep talk. I smiled and told myself that I am a success. On Friday the following day,   I made some cash on my trade, it felt good to know that good things were still happening. I took a break as the light went off. I went to my journal to write down a few thoughts, then later when the light came back,  I lost everything only remaining a little fragment of my total account. 

The worst part was people with whom I shared my idea made the same profits and took, while the originator suffered great loss. It pained me to my bones. I closed all trades in losses and went to bed.

In bed where I have spent some hours just lying and reasoning, the voices came again,  and this time stronger than before. Strange voices telling me I am not built for success, that I can never achieve anything good, reminding of everything I have done wrong, how I am the cause of my problems, how I'll fail my exams and go back to write them again, how I have wasted funds paid for my wellbeing,  how I have misused the trust people have in me. My heart was beating so fast as if I was racing. I was praying and begging God so I don't get a heart attack,  was feeling a sharp pain there already. I told myself I would need to do a test soon. A BP test.

I fought it, but I wasn't really strong enough. So it overpowered me. I started doubting myself. I asked God if he was punishing me for something I did wrong. I reminded him that I pray but he doesn't answer. I decided I was going to do a fast. 

When my girlfriend chatted me early Saturday morning, I told her my ordeal,  she spoke life into me.

I went to the bathroom, bathed,  cleaned my room, took my journal and wrote my lessons.  I sent her a message that I feel better. Indeed I feel better now.

Still marching on to glory land. 

Billionaire mindset reloaded. 

The next post will be about a niche I found in my trading system,  I already started testing it and recording my findings.  It's currency exchange so it will not feature here.

Thank you.

Stoic will never stop typing...😊

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